Very recently, I put together a short and sweet at-home side plank series for one of my friends.

He sent me a video of himself performing the series to prove that my gift was not in vain.

I responded,

“That was pretty good! Keep that bottom hip up and you’re golden!”

He later confessed that he had felt critiqued and was hurt.

Some Like It…Others, Not So Much

I was so happy he spoke his truth.

An amazing conversation, as well as this blog post, emerged due to his honesty.

He shared with me that he knew my comment was delivered with love and that I wanted the best for him, but that he was unable to transcend the bruising that his ego was experiencing. He desired to shift his perspective because he knew his ego was closing him off and holding him back. Yet, the need he was feeling to protect himself was more important than his desire to grow.

I know…Pretty evolved man right?!

I have always felt the exact opposite. When I don’t receive feedback, I feel like I’m being ignored. I want to get better, I know I’m not perfect, and I want to walk away from each class having learned something new.

Feedback v. Criticism

There are intrinsic differences between feedback and criticism.

Both include analysis. Criticism is judgmental and fault finding, whereas feedback conveys corrective information.

Whenever someone criticizes me, it tells me so much about who THEY are. I’ve never met a person at top of their game that didn’t appreciate my efforts; even if I was falling short in that moment. They could see that I was worthy of feedback and that what I was doing was valuable; otherwise, why would they bother saying anything at all?

How Are YOU Receiving It?

It’s an honor to receive feedback.

Welcome it
Depersonalize it
Extract the lesson
Allow it to make you better

If compliments, feedback and / or criticisms have an enormous impact on how you feel about yourself, you may be giving away a lot of your power.

When we obtain too much of our self-worth from external sources, the ego actually becomes quite fragile; making it hard to regulate self-esteem from within.

The more we practice self-love — and meeting our own needs — outside comments will be considered and received with appreciation rather than having the power to control how we feel about ourselves.

The best part…you’ll be a Pilates star!! Thanks to all those well meaning corrections that your instructor gives you. ;-)